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How are your kids?
They are great.
And how are they taking the whole divorce
issue?
We are not really divorced. It’s still a
work-in-progress kind of thing but we are taking it well. When its time for him
to see the children, he does and when its time to return them, he does. On my
part, I have carried the children along and make them understand they are not
stained because of it. I wouldn’t want them to develop a complex because of it.
We didn’t design for these things to happen but they do. Its like people who
have lost their parents, they didn’t plan for it but they have to move on. I
watch them and I think they are doing pretty okay especially because we talk
about it every time there is a reason to.
You mentioned that you aren’t really divorced.
Does that suggest possibility of
reconciliation?
No, it doesn’t. We just started the process but there
isn’t any hope for reconciliation. We know we would always be in each other’s
lives because of the children, so we have to be civil. When the children are
getting married for example, we have to hide our differences and make it
work.
What if he (Frank) came back, would you consider it?
No. Three years have gone by. It will be a whole entire
process of knowing somebody all over again and I don’t have the energy to do
that. We’ve let it burn and I don’t think he will do that.
Do you sometimes miss
him?
He had such a great sense of humor. I don’t know if he
still does. His sense of music too, being a radio presenter, and we used to
exchange thoughts on things regarding that, but otherwise, I don’t miss him in
that nostalgic way of…It’s a part of my life I have come to terms with. I am a
solution oriented person. He was part of my life for more than 10 years (dated
for four years and got married for 7 years).
Looking back at everything, do you wish you
never got separated?
No, I think Frank and I should not have gotten married
in the first place. We should just have been friends because he was an awesome
friend. While I was dating someone else and he had to go back to his country, he
(Frank) was there all through and I had known him all the while he was in the
University of Calabar and we started our career together. I think we shouldn’t
have pushed it to marriage and just stayed as friends.
Any regrets about
that?
No. I have three lovely kids to show for it and of
course, every thing happens for a reason and a purpose. They can only make us
better or stronger people and it has done so for me. I have grown from what went
wrong.
What is usually the cause of the
fight?
I think it impatience, anger and not knowing how to
deal with issue in the now, so you react before you think. It goes like, ‘huh,
how dare you say this to me…is that what you will say?’ I can’t remember any one
in particular, it has been long now, I have moved on and it’s not a thing that
can happen to me again but I always say no matter what, a man should not raise
his hands on a woman. A woman should also not goad a man too much. It takes
nothing from the man who walks away because once he hits a woman, he starts to
think it is justifiable. Unfortunately, we are in a society where we have
friends that will give you thumbs up for doing that. A man should be calmer and
not react on the now.
Are you making efforts to ensure that your son
isn’t wrongly influenced by this?
I have a son and I talk to him all the time. I let him
know he must be there to protect his sister. They should look at him and feel
safe with him and he knows that. The girls also push him and I caution them, so
it’s a balance.
Were you hit by the rumors of his recent
marriage?
I didn’t want to believe he was because we are still
married (legally). We are not divorced, so I didn’t see how that was possible
and didn’t loose sleep over it. I’m not asking him not to go on with his life
but things should be done properly. We are separated for three years and now in
the divorce process. If he found happiness and love, then I’m happy for
him.
Will you be trying your hands on marriage
again?
You just never know.
If you would, what kind of man would he
be?
You come to a point in your life where you can’t afford
to do things out of adrenaline but with great thought. It would be a more mature
person, someone who is calm and has a fine sense of how life should be. Someone
who is mature, wise and seen life and the ways of the world and knows what he is
doing at every time.
When you think about all that has happened,
does it bring tears to your eyes?
No, I feel a sense of disappointment instead especially
now when the children come home with questions that I need a man to answer, if
he (their father) were around. For example, someone to be there for my son at a
time when he is writing his common entrance examination. It’s a feeling of
disappointment, but you know, we have to rise above them and you go
on.
What was your reaction the very first time it
happened?
I’m like these things happen in marriages but we think
of reconciliation and getting families involved. It is your first trial in
marriage and nobody gives a guideline about how things are going to
be.
Apart from being part of the Project Alert,
what other steps have you taken to help women who are battling with domestic
violence?
I talk to them but in the end, I let them know, the
decision is theirs. A friend of mine was involved in this and after we talk, she
will go back to him. No matter what platform there is, it rests on the
individual. It is what I have arrived at. I still share my story when I have the
chance to.
What inspired the set up of your media outfit,
2PM?
I wanted something different and unique and 2PM media
was born. A small representation of what I do and all the things I can
do.
What else do you do apart from being an OAP and
actress?
I emcee events, sell fabrics and do a little bit of
everything
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